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created: 10/16/18
updated: 01/01/19
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link: http://speechlessnomore.com/speechlessnomore_posts.htm#robert-usa-comment-101718

name: Robert

country: USA

type: comment

date: 10/18/18


If the soul is the seed, and the spirit is the tree, then victims of child abuse have had their infant seeds bruised, broken, or even shattered by their early experiences, with all aspects of their lives - personal, social and occupational - being impacted by these traumas. There are no easy answers, quick fixes or magic pills to remedy these situations. In fact, healing is a lifelong, day-by-day process of continually coming to terms with and accepting what has happened, without ever forgetting it. But the starting point to this healing is always the same: tell your story, because it is in the telling that the healing begins.

One of the hardest things to do in writing our stories is to separate the telling from the blame, because we must always remember that victims have victims. I suffered horribly at the hands of my immediate family members - father, mother and brother - but they, too, were victims of others who were also likely victimized themselves. We are trapped in a decades or, in some cases, centuries old, repetitive cycle of abuse begetting more abuse. That is why the goal of healing is not to blame, but to break this never-ending cycle, so that we do not pass it on to those who look up to us.

Another obstacle to healing is the deep rooted impact child abuse leaves on our lives. Even the most intrinsic aspects of our being are affected: our values (likes and dislikes), our morals (right and wrong) and ethics (appropriate behavior). Finding our way through the world with so much of our internal guidance systems off kilter can make it especially hard for us to act normal. Though we may look okay on the outside, inside we are continually confronted by the chaotic conflicts which mark our earliest memories. That is why so many of us runaway, turn to hard drugs, or commit suicide.

Much like African Americans through the 1800's and LGBTQ people through the 1900's, we - the children of child abuse - do not live in a world that is ready to address our issues in an open and honest manner. That is why if we are ever to change the world and, thereby, change ourselves, we must tell our own stories honestly and openly. It is through our writing and others reading that we will finally enter an age of enlightenment, understanding and reform. For now, let us take that first big, bold step forward together by placing pens to papers (or fingers to keyboards), so as to heal ourselves and help those who have yet to heal.

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